By EDUARDO PAZ-MARTINEZ
BROWNSVILLE, Texas | Even if he launched a new "Guns & Rosas" campaign, wimpish sheriff candidate Jesus Rosas, Jr would have a tough time holstering that position. He's simply not the guy, not this time. Rosas, shown oddly wearing a cowboy hat in photo above under darkening skies, is polling badly.
That's what our insider's crystal ball is telling us as the Languid Law Latino keeps on keeping on, celebratory dreams of the sheriff's shiny badge perhaps keeping him awake at night.
We're saying incumbent sheriff Eric Garza wins the Democratic Party primary and then segues into an all-out mano-a-mano against - you guessed it - boring rethread John Chambers, the Blogger Juan Montoya-backed Republican Garza thwacked in the last election four, long years ago.
Chambers at least has the better cowboy hat. Rosas, we fear, bought his at Walgreens. On sale.
But Rosas may be paying Zany Blogger El Jerry McHale to push his doomed campaign. If he is, and if he's paying more than $20, he's blowing good Valley money. Save that cash, Jesus. Save $20 a week for a year and then have enough to get a better cowboy hat.
As things stand, poll-dormant Rosas may as well be singing dirges to the bone people at the city cemetery.
Jesus Christ, Jesus!
Say something half-interesting or semi-controversial, dude.
Your other opponent, Ronnie Saenz, already has the Deaf Vote...
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Upstart Pol Greg Kunkle, shown at left in photo above with an unidentified Brownsville resident, wants to be a congressman. He's never even been a school Patrol Boy, but the kid has Nancy Pelosi dreams. Yeah, he pangs for the 34th Congressional District seat currently held by Democrat Vicente Gonzalez, a real politician.
Kunkle has nothing. Take our word for it. He won't even answer the easiest of questions, like "Are you a veteran?" We asked him that one and a few others and are still awaiting answers from this amateurish, unaccomplished greenhorn whose last name is likely a misspelling of the word "knuckle" - as in "knuckle down, lad!".
He's a nouveau Republican who would have to get past hellish firebrand Mayra Flores in the primary before even thinking of being swamped by smarter Gonzalez.
Get past Mayra? Ha ha ha. She would apply a headlock on this kid so tight that his hair would turn not a scaredy-cat salt & pepper, but the color of pain - black & blue. Picture a profanity-spewing Mexican chick on a sheltered, squirrel-face punk and you have the optic of a Mayra-Kunkle evening at the fan-noisy Arena Coliseo in Matamoros on Ladies Night Wrestling.
No, Kunkle is not being serious. Either that or he thinks district voters are idiots. No free-thinking resident of District 34 will back this local joker. Yeah, gag me, says our receptionist Veronica "Ronnie" Salgado.
The only way Kunkle will get a vote is if he enters into an agreement with the other going-nowhere candidate for his post, Laura E. Cisneros, in a "I'll vote for you if you vote for me" deal...
You know it...
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Word has it that sheriff's candidate Ronnie Saenz has been out mining The Elderly Vote. That's Ron (that's the more-adult version of his name) in the photo above, at right.
Saenz is a distant last in the latest looksee at Cameron County Sheriff's Race candidates, there behind eternal Dreamer Jesus Rosas Jr and way, way, way, way, way behind incumbent Sheriff Eric Garza. We're not even hearing that laid-back Ron has told anyone he expects to win. Huh? He isn't saying he may win? I said, "Huh???"
Well, if he isn't then he's being real. Ron Saenz will NOT be your next county sheriff.
Sorry, but that's the line on his candidacy.
The only way he is differentiating himself from the other candidates is in not wearing a corny cowboy hat. His last name is proving to be a surprising hindrance.
The district attorney is also a dude named Saenz. We further fear that voters will not hand over the sheriff's office to another Saenz. That may sound dumb, but county voters are dumb, so...
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It now looks as if Texas Southmost College Chair Adela Garza has survived the dastardly, weak-kneed Welding Recital attack from two of the city's non-Journalism-trained bloggers.
The lady is still at her post.
And the aging bloggers, 73-year-old Jerry McHale and 75-year-old Jimmy Barton, have of late retreated to the comfort of their ass-warm couches, dabs of Ben-Gay and moments of what might've been. The Anglo Shit hit the fan as if by projectile diarrhea when these rudderless bloggers launched an all-out "Ay voy!!!" assault roughly a month ago, spent days throwing cheap gasoline on the nothingness and then gathered their stones and slingshots for the long walk back home to Mama.
Stoop-shouldered bloggers, Maria. There they go down the cracked-concrete sidewalk, Baby. Wait. Don't inhale! That smell of rubbing alcohol steaming of their backs.
To her great and learned credit, Ms. Garza actually said nothing during the excitable Resaca Storm that fizzled lamely.
Neither McHale nor Barton has revisited the TSC welding program they insisted was rotten. It was too calm a give-up for the noise they created, at least deep inside in their own balding heads.
Adela Garza likely will seek reelection one of these days.
Rubbish Bloggers McHale and Barton will keep lying...
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For some weird reason, Joe Elizarde woke up one day and decided to take on perhaps the most-entrenched politician in the county - Justice of The Peace Linda Salazar. Yes, the same Linda Salazar who's been at the job for almost 20 years!
What got into Elizarde?
Is his ridiculous candidacy nothing more than a dare, one perhaps voiced one fine morning by his wife, who wanted him out of the house?
Could be. Now, if only the Welding Recital bloggers would go after this guy. Then, and only then, would Elizarde get any sort of campaign publicity. He's the Absolute Zero this Election Season.
Elizarde should be hooked onto a polygraph machine. We are dying to hear him tell us exactly why he's in this contest. I mean, Linda Salazar is a pro. Her son, Ruben, once won an election by 29,000 votes! It's in the family to run roughshod over an opponent.
Joe, you cannot be serious!
If the battle was in a wrestling ring, Linda would be the fabled Tonina Jackson and Joe would be Tiny Tim. At seeing the bloody mauling, the entire population of Cameron County would raise its voice and shout, no, scream: "Stop the fight! Stop the fight!!!"
You know it...
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They may just need another jolt. Democrats here are doing little to prevent that dreaded, much-feared Red Wave in 2024. That moment of sheer fear in last November's elections is said to have delivered some gut-wrenching pain for the party.
They thought their ass was grass, to use the vernacular of the RGV.
That's Texas Democratic Party Chairman Gilberto Hinojosa in photo above, second from left, with County Judge Eddie Trevino to his left. Mustachioed Hinojosa is said to have shat bricks that night, when it appeared that spirited Republican Mayra Flores was about to retire Demo favorite son Vicente Gonzalez for that coveted 34th Congressional District seat.
Mayra Flores came close if losing by 10,000 votes is close in a congressional race. The Red Wave ebbed far out in the gulf and Gonzalez retained the seat. She's back one more time for the 2024 contest, and we're not hearing much from Hinojosa or Valley Democrats.
I know. There's still plenty of time.
So, for now, comfortable Demos seem to be saying, "Let's just gather for a photo and everybody smile."
Heh heh...
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Brownsville is losing its superintendent - the overly-qualified one named 2023 Regional Superintendent of The Year. As if it can afford to lose him. But luckless Browntown is an Insistent Loser. His name is Dr. Rene Gutierrez and the McAllen Independent School District - the best in the Rio Grande Valley - has just about signed him.
Gutierrez is a 1983 graduate of McAllen High School.
Brownsville will go on another dizzied search and that'll be that. It does this so often that education here is seen as being no different than that offering at the Hiway 77 Flea Market known as the just another informational kiosk...
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Ever-lovely actress Salma Hayek scarfing down a taco back when she lived in Mexico City some years ago.
She's still a hottie in her 50s. I love the smell of salsa in the morning...
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that candidate should go with your GUNS & ROSAS! priceless.
ReplyDeletethese people are growing on me. I love Taco Tuesday! the sheriff candidates are a hoot. Brownsville must be more fun that I thought was possible over there. All those long faces tell a different story, tho.
ReplyDeleteThe superintendent was always gonna come back to his hometown. McHi grads always do. No brainer.
ReplyDeleteThat's a pretty lady in the head shot. Is she from Brownsville? I would doubt it, but I don't really know.
ReplyDeleteGuns & Rosas gonna surprise you!
ReplyDeleteKunkle is not ready. what's he done?
ReplyDelete