By EDUARDO PAZ-MARTINEZ
BROWNSVILLE, Texas | Word comes that hats are being readied for any would-be candidate for county sheriff. Cowboying is in, say the proponents of the western wear. Want instant endorsement? Buy a hat, take a photo wearing it and hand it out at will.
You will immediately gain some sort of border credibility. Or, as cops and deputies know that word, "da cred."
Cameron County Sheriff Eric Garza got one after winning election four years ago, this after serving as district clerk, where he didn't need a cowboy hat. Since then, Garza has been a literal cowpuncher any West Texas ranch would like to have, if only for photos showing a Mexican at work.
Into the pig-smelling corral that is the candidate's circle has come Jesus Rosas, Jr.
He, too, wears a cowboy hat. And he, too, looks quite dumb in it, like some downtown vato who saw his first episode of Gunsmoke and said, "Hey, ese, why not me?"
Rosas wants to be sheriff just to wear the hat, is what his brother told us. Well, no, that's not true, although wouldn't it be nice for us if the brother had come forward. Does fullback-model Rosas even have a brother? He has cowboy hats. We're sure of that.
He's not in the race for sheriff yet, but we expect one John Chambers, the guy Eric Garza beat in the last election, to jump in any day now. Chambers wears - you guessed it - cowboy hats. His is the look not of Matt Dillon or Wyatt Earp but of some chubby white guy who wants to look a little taller in his boots and Stetson.
Voters know about this, dudes.
Geez, Louise. Someone get a freakin' Charro hat, okay?
The other Mexican in the sheriff's race is someone named Ronnie Saenz. There was a time when Ronnie was short for Veronica, but perhaps no more. As my galpal Melissa Zamora might say about here, "Quien sobby?"
We're hip to wanting to belong to something or another as a politician.
But, boys, the cowboy hat is not in vogue. Maybe in Austin, where everybody is after a woman like Laura Olson, the attorney general's sweetheart. But in Cameron County, well, who are these dudes trying to impress - each other?
If this crazy-dumb trend moves across the local political landscape, should we expect to see Mayor John Cowen in a cowboy hat? He'd have a few good reasons to do it, as, for one, he is very bald.
No, we say everybody take their cowboy hats off and toss them to the kids in the neighborhoods.
Walking around looking like a nameless background extra for some high-powered TV western only devalues your candidacy. Endorse one of these drugstore cowboys? Not happening.
The cowboy hat, we have learned, is a symbol of courage, strength, and self-reliance.
We don't see that in any of these fake cowboy candidates...
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Only law enforcement wears cowboy hats here. it's part of the look. But I see your point. whoa! Howdy!!!
ReplyDeleteValley men always want to show a bigger manhood. That's what this is about. As if! They look stupid. You're right.
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