TACO TUESDAY:...Dept. Of Absurdities....We Write-Off Laura E. Cisneros...Conjoined Bloggers McHale & Barton Still Awful...Mayra Flores Is "In"...

 

By EDUARDO PAZ-MARTINEZ

BROWNSVILLE, Texas | Her see-through political resume remains exceedingly thin and open to question. Not even a short stint as fighting board member of the city's handicapped-only softball league or under-assistant to the assistant of the assistant city manager. No, no, no. Dr. Laura E. Cisneros, shown in photo above, is not ready for prime time, as in a believable congressional candidate.

Last year, she ran in the Democratic Party's primary and was soundly beaten by eventual winner, Vicente Gonzalez, who took 65% of the vote to Laura's 23% - or 25,531 votes to 8,456.

What she's doing in the upcoming Republican Party primary is the question likely dancing at her ankles and happy feet. This candidate is the proverbial fish out of water. Someone hand this cute Pet Store guppy a bowl of water. She seems to need the attention more than the swim.

Cisneros has bought herself an ear with For Sale Jerry McHale, the elderly-about-town Blogger and acknowledged self-serving spouter of pieties and lies. This weekend, Cisneros was listed in McHale's blog as being ahead of better-known, better-positioned Republican Mayra Flores in a race that everybody who knows even a smidgen of Rio Grande Valley politics says has already been won by the twitchy Ms. Flores.

No contest. We agree. Elderly-about-town Blogger McHale (shown at right) is only taking her money, if she is paying him for "great, however-lying" publicity.

If ever there was a candidate around here who should be out there personally campaigning and not leaving the work to a blogger who lives with the evil he is fighting it is Laura E. Cisneros. The alliance with the blogger known for noxious effluvia puts her intelligence in question. How dumb can she be? Pretty dumb, we say. 

Exactly what is she buying from McHale - frippery?

It appears that she is. For while McHale is now posturing her as a veritable Margaret Thatcher, Laura E. Cisnero is nothing of the sort. She's green. She's a nobody. She's doomed. She's done.

Mayra Flores, it says here, will win the nomination easily.

It's a wonder to think of what McHale had to say to Madam Cisneros to get her to go along with him as daily conveyer of her ill-advised campaign. That he would simply write lies showing she was ahead of the candidate pack? That he would do it over and over and over and over, as if to convince the apparently-pliant Laura, mainly?

Well, yes.

That's the cheap, outhouse ruse here. For Laura E. Cisneros is fooling herself. Loose stool McHale is coming off the disastrous Welding Recital that saw him make wild allegations against Texas Southmost College and then, when his breathless stories went nowhere, merely slinked away as if none of it had ever happened.

That was to be expected of the blogger without serious newsroom experience.

And even with the coming mountain of pro-Cisneros postings McHale will offer, well, she will be of no historical significance. There is nothing poetical about her, unlike the intriguing rise of engrossing Mayra Flores from her early days in Burgos, Mexico to her 6-month stint as a U.S. Congresswoman in 2022.

Flores offers the immutable aspects of a divine plan, Laura E. Cisneros the phonetic apparatus of a dying cricket.

Cisneros, the good doctor of oncology, lives in brawling Brownsville, a lackluster, under-achieving border town where the imagination always roams freer. But, here, in this more-than-silly campaign, she sees herself walking through a Monet!!!!

We say she fails to understand her place in the large order of things...

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Well, it was to be expected. Once his writing mentor Jerry McHale ripped-off our Taco Tuesday concept, along came Jim "Blah, Blah" Barton - shown in recent photo above - to also steal it. McHale went all-burglar and even took our title (Taco Tuesday), but 75-year-old Barton, perhaps working with road-weary brain cells, opted to call his "Stormy Monday".

Well, that promised much.

We expected a breaking news exclusive!

But, no, Barton's initial offering in Stormy Monday this week was a lame look at (wait on it)...The Beatles. Talk about a groupie, junior high posting. The Beatles? They are about as much of a local topic as are The Mamas & Papas, although papas is a word you hear daily around here, yes.

And we don't ever expect much from Barton (shown at left). He's the only RGV blogger without a college degree, a former motel clerk, a former trailer park resident, a former shrimp boat unloader and the only dude we know who has ever donated his dead wife's body to science.

Stormy Monday. Ha ha.

Better would have been if lazy Barton had burst forth with a Stormy Daniels feature. But we fear his lack of formal education has rendered him a very linear man. Stormy Monday equals The Beatles. Huh? To house husband Barton it does.

Poor dude. He's like an annoying old coot in a nursing home forever bugging the staff about the gumball machine that took his nickel...

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 Ah, Abel Gomez. The gung-ho constable at All-You-Can-Eat Night at Wingstop. He's in a reelection fight against every angled dark shadow in Cameron County. Gomez (shown above) is just another supporting cast character in the show we know as Puro South Texas. He'd never be mistaken for a smarty, city dude.

No, he's the one who apparently got Vato-mad after we sort of amended his campaign message on Facebook: "...seeking reelection" to what we saw as the more correct one of "...seeking weight reduction".

The good, obscure constable complained to Elderly-About-Town Blogger McHale, who promptly removed our comment on his Facebook page and then blocked us.

We don't know Gomez...and with any luck we never will...

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Okay, kids, for 300 pesos...who's got the cushiest job in town? He gets $40,000 per year as mayor and he's done nothing so far in this his first year. Is that the trade-off - he gets 40 grand and the people get nothing? What a racket, as Vitas Gerulaitis would say about here.

John Cowen is his name, and he remains the Mayor of Brownsville, needy, dirt-poor, with all kinds of freakin' needs Brownsville! Bus shelters, John? Potholes, Cowen? Flooding, son? Utilities rate reductions, lad? Do something!!!

No, John Cowen apparently isn't up to it.

He's just glad to be mayor. Everything else can wait. He's young and there are many years ahead. Plus, no one is pushing his ass to do anything. The usually quick-to-anger bloggers aren't looking his way. They're staring down mirage welding controversies at the local college.

John Cowen can see he's getting a free pass.

Other RGV mayors are going gangbusters promoting their cities and drawing new businesses. John Cowen is glad Whataburger hasn't left town.

What a loser...

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The Elderly-About-Town Blogger Jerry McHale stole our slogan. What is this meandering moron without our blog? 

Our masthead carries the slogan "Our Only Loyalty Is To The Story," meaning we don't kowtow to anyone, politicians especially - like he often does, without apology.

Gangly, balding, woefully out of shape McHale, shown when in better shape in photo above, took it and used it as "My Only Loyalty Is To The Story." The loser strikes again. We say, and say aloud: May God damn him. Forced to come up with something original, 74-year-old (next month) McHale would likely drop to his knees, beg for another assignment and cry like a fattened, cleft-lipped baby on his first day at the daycare center.

Forever claiming to be a "writer," McHale all-too-often steals material from other writers. He's no writer we would praise without laughing, as does his student blogger Jim "Blah, Blah" Barton. The two bookend toilets rub each other's backs as often as they can, mainly because no one else will do it. McHale is a nothing, an unaccomplished dolt wrinkled not only of skin but in thought.

Even a mid-level editor at a Big City newspaper would rip him to shreds on Day One.

He knows it.

McHale is Brownsville's Official Wannabe.

Writer? Ha ha. His blog is a moving toilet paper roll of pestilential vapors...

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The mostly-hairless gent you see in photo above is Tad Hasse (his last name means "Rabbit" in German), said to soon be a candidate for the post of Chairman of the Cameron County Republican Party. The job is currently held by Morgan Graham. We've heard nothing about her giving up the post, but Hasse's name has been tossed around by some as if farmworkers peeing in a circle.

Hasse would be the figurehead leader of the GOP in the county, which is odd and ridiculous.

He lost his last race as a candidate for the State Board of Education (SBOE) four years ago by 29,000 votes to incumbent Ruben Cortez.

29,000 votes!

What does he know about politics? And we're not even mentioning the other elections he lost, or the fact that he switched parties more than twice. Once, he was even a Libertarian.

Something tells us that one of these days, Hasse, a prolific pro-Trump, pro-MAGA poster on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter, will finally discover who he really is and isn't.

It may save him, or it may kill him.

That's the fate of those who mess with politics from all angles, forever wishing to win, to belong...

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At this point, what we're hearing - and hearing often - from Not-Quite-Grassroots Republican Mayra Flores and her campaign people is that they want a Wall between her and her opponents in the upcoming Republican Party primary. You know which primary - the one for that nomination that will then give entry to the 2024 General Election against well-heeled, better-educated Democrat Vicente Gonzalez.

Mayra's been a little too quiet of late, but we think she's still busy with that Instant Anglo Immersion class the whitey GOP has forced her to take.

I mean, she has a coterie of Whites pushing, framing, spearheading, disseminating her much-anticipated campaign!

The girl is already 3/4 White!!!

Well, perhaps we jest. But where there's a little bit of truth, there's the rest of the truth, is what we would say about those who would oppose our words here.

Impassioned Mayra Flores is well, well-ahead of opponents Mauro "Gag Me" Garza, Greg "Knucklehead" Kunkle and Laura E. "La Chafa" Cisneros, a woefully insecure candidate who throws money away at the drop of a compliment (re: her alliance with For Hire Blogger McHale).

When you have the backing of the Republican National Committee, you have it all.

Mayra Flores has that backing...

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Pro-Mexicans Blogger Juan Montoya isn't doing much these days. His best offering is the constancy of sentient comments arriving on his Bracero blog.

Juan is merely posting cartoons, posters and better-written stories he lifts from other news sites. Is he well?

Once, he set the tone for burning alternative news in Brownsville. Today, and of late, he has been more a ditzy BISD secretary than a Busy Bee reporter.

Eh, Juan - Que pasa? Deja la botella, ese.

We were concerned when he never surfaced to fend-off Culo Bloggers McHale and Barton on that Welding Recital scandal that turned out to be no scandal at all. Everyone in town knows of Juan's undying affinity for Texas Southmost College, target of the welding rumormongering.

He just let pussies McHale and Barton type and type and type away, the aging duo slamming TSC almost daily and leading to a Hell's Bells confrontation at the eatery Cobbleheads between gangly McHale and TSC Chair Adela Garza and TSC Trustee Tony Zavaleta.

Montoya (shown in photo with guitar) sat back and simply watched the stinking avalanche bounce off his old defenseless alma mater like lakes of Bad Shit sewage coming off broken city sewer pipes. Monty fired back only after the initial anti-TSC salvo and never wrote another word after that.

Yeah, quien sabe?

Commenters on his Caldo Del Cielo blog, however, went to town, many of them damning menso McHale and sonso Barton as being two dudes with blogs but without a clue.

We did enjoy reading most of them, yes.

 Juan is a history buff, so maybe he'll tell the not-so-thrilling, not-so-true TSC welding recital tale one of these days...

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Taco Tuesday out!!!

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