That Chubby Dude Eating Like A Pig A Republican?...Maybe...

 

By EDUARDO PAZ-MARTINEZ

McALLEN, Texas | Okay, Valleyites, can you tell if the mustachioed Mexican guy next to you eating greasy, drippy tacos is a Republican or a Democrat? Do you just assume that he and the other half-dozen Mexicans around him are voting for President Joe Biden in the 2024 presidential election just because, well, that's the handy stereotype?

Would you be as quick to nod "yes, yes" if it was a roly-poly White guy at another joint chomping, say, BBQ ribs?

A thinning hair guy and his younger woman dining on Chinese lettuce wraps?

Some loner-looking, pale-face dude killing a shrimp salad?

Who knows, but we're theorizing today. Perhaps there is a clue to everybody's politics out there in the public byways. Clothing? Shoes or boots for the drugstore cowboy? Sundress or short shorts & halter top for the little lady?

Or maybe you go on what you hear, what people are talking about at a restaurant or coffee shop. You hear the name Trump often enough and you still may not know they're fans or haters of the Dracula of Mar-a-Lago. If a Democrat, do you want to get off your chair at the eatery at hearing a kind word for Democrat Joe Biden, the president, and just yell it out, "Hallelujah!"?

Well, those are clues.

And, really, clues are all we ever have with strangers. Your pals will be familiar, as will their politics.

But your rolling community, the people you don't know, now there's a political motherlode, the Main Vein of useful info. If you have no idea about your neighbor's politics and one afternoon he hangs a yard sign backing Republican presidential candidate Ron DeSantis, well, you have more than a clue. Say hell-o next time you see him or ignore the sonofabitch. That's the New American Way, baby.

I dunno. I see a Valleyite scarfing down a plate of crispy chicken tacos ( "De pollo, por favor...") and I pretty much know local culture and history defines him as a Democrat. Conversely, if I see a chubby, big-jowls guy with an overly-red neck sidling up to the moist beef counter, well, that "feller" is a Republican. Mexicans rarely sidle, see.

A real Chinese restaurant would make things harder. Everybody looks like a Democrat there. Maybe it's the happy faces at every table, or perhaps it's the aroma of orange chicken sauce. You can't be a world-hating Republican at a fake Chinese restaurant, no. The food won't let you. Chinese requires your full attention and smelling ability. Politics, those customers will tell you, can go to Hell - I'm killing spectacular Mongolian beef, ese!

Seafood is a quirky one. I've heard people who love shrimp are really people who once lived on Earth as mollusks - the old reincarnation bit, yes. Scallops? I've never had those, and never will. Oysters? I don't know about eating slithery Boogers, but my lady friend Laura loves them. Tex-Mex seafood of the sort you find in non-chain seafood eateries? That is something to wonder about, as it is likely mostly Mexicans ordering the popular Sombrero Platter and the fish Ceviche adored by Mexican wrestlers. Camarones Al Mojo de Ajo (Shrimp in garlic sauce) is a totally Democrat plate. Republican Anglos don't have the taste buds or stomach for that delicacy. New Republican Mexicans do, but they would rather order a Whataburger than be caught saying Camarones Al Mojo de Ajo in public.

Barbecue is strictly Republican grub, even down here along the Mexican border, where barbecue is not quite the attraction it is up Austin Way.

And it would be even more difficult for us to assess its partisan politics because there are few Blacks in the Rio Grande Valley. Blacks are BBQ, BBQ is Blacks - like Franklin's on Austin's East Side. Mexicans here do not like to be served their food on butcher paper. It's what they do everywhere in BBQ Heaven Lockhart, Texas!

Lockhart, Luling, Seguin - those are primo BBQ hangouts of the First Order. City Cafe in Luling will feed you so that you sleep better. Smitty's and Blacks's in Lockhart?

 To die for, bro.

Here in the RGV, BBQ eaters can be both Demos and Republicans. The fare is not exactly found in every Valley town. And where you do find it, well, it's always owned by an enterprising Mexican - hardly the culinary connection great BBQ needs. You have to be Black or a redneck for good BBQ.

So, where are we?

Oh, okay.

Go ahead and glance over at the people eating across the restaurant dining room and tell yourself the odds of being able to tell this or that starving, numb-scarfing individual is a Democrat are probably good (because they are in the majority here).

Not so much for fingering Republicans, however...Not yet anyway...

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